An ADHD Brain: dealing with ADHD in your 60's

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, Part 2

June 20th, 2023

Last time I started talking about this subject, of how people with ADHD are more sensitive to feedback. And it goes either way. If it’s good, we get really excited. If it’s bad, we sink to the depths. This also affects how we hear compliments. Recently, while looking at an Aura Frame of rolling pictures, some said, “You must really enjoy watching these, knowing you’ve lost so much weight.”

Normally someone would take that as a compliment on how your weight management plan has been successful. But all I heard was, “Man, you were pretty big there for a while.” And I started thinking about that and how I’m STILL not happy with my weight, even though I’ve lost twenty-five pounds.

I recognized it as a compliment. I knew the good intention behind the complement. But it sent me into a spiral for a while until I could recognize it for what it was. Even now, though, it still hurts a bit.

So that’s another thing that I’ve learned and am working on. It’s been helpful to know about it, and to recognize what’s going on. If I see it, then I can take a beat and turn the story around in my head and not react to it. It’s a process, one that I’ve got a lot of work to do yet. But I’m slowly making progress.
Why Do You Not Like Me?

June 12th, 2023

One of the things I’ve learned is that people with ADHD have a hard time with emotions. We feel like we’re not being heard, or that people continually think we’re wrong or stupid. For me, this manifests itself at times with me getting louder and louder until I’m shouting, and the people I’m talking to tell me to calm down, stop yelling. BUT I’M NOT YELLING! That’s when I realize, yes, I am yelling. I didn’t mean to. I just felt like I was not being heard or was being dismissed out of hand.

This is called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). It comes as a perception that I’m being rejected or criticized by others. This may not be the case, and often it isn’t. But perceptions is reality for someone with ADHD. They feel that they’re being attacked and flight or fight instincts take over their emotions.

So what does someone with ADHD do with this? Often times they either become people pleasers, having difficulty saying no to anyone, or they just stop trying and shut down. I’ve done both, which is why I have too much going on at work at the moment. I’ve talked to my boss about it, and she said she’s not going to let me “volunteer” for anything, at least for the next few months.

I’m just starting to see a therapist. This is one of the things that I need to work on. I get stressed, I get angry, I get depressed. Neither of these is good for me, so I’ve got to find a way to cope.

So what’s your experience been with RSD? How do you manage it?
Keeping on Top of Things

June 5th, 2023

One area that I struggle in is keeping the things I want to get done bubbling up so that I don’t forget to do them. Case in point, this post. I’ve been meaning to do a post for a week now, but I keep forgetting. Or I remember, but I’m not in a place or context to be able to do it. I’ve learned a lot of these are IBNU’s (Important But Not Urgent). I have several of these that I have to do and sometimes…..well, they just slip from time to time.

So how am I trying to remember them? That, for me, is still a work in progress. There are other things that I have figured out. One way that I do this is by using an iOS app called Due. I use this for the things that happen on a regular basis, but that I often forget to do. For example, I use it to remind me to take my blood pressure in the morning and evening at 8 every day. It prompts me to take my blood pressure and will keep reminding me every 15 minutes until I click on “done.” I just have to make sure I don’t do that until I’ve actually performed the task. Other things I do this for is to remind me to check my Amazon and Apple subscriptions each month, to request my kids to pay me for their cell phone using Venmo. I also can use it for one-off tasks that I want to do later.

Another app I use is Tody. This is focused on doing cleaning around the house. It has rooms where the tasks lie and you just select from either pre-selected items or create your own. I use this to remind me to do things like laundry, dusting around the house, cleaning up my office, mopping the floors, etc. You even compete against Dusty, who races you to see who can get to the finished line first.

I’ve also been using analog things like Sidekick, a notepad that sits in front of my keyboard. It has a task list on the side and a place where I can take notes, have focus items for the day for work and for home, as well as other nice things. I’m slowly getting used to using it and it has helped me out quite a bit of late.

I’m also beginning to work on using the Theme System. I don’t know how this will work yet as I’m just getting started, but I’ll have more on that later. These are both from the guys who have the Cortex podcast, which I also enjoy (at 1.5-2x speed). They have a lot of suggestions for productivity, if you’re interested.

Well that’s it for this week. It is my goal, at least for the summer, to have at least one post per week. I need accountability, so putting it here will help give me the edge to do that. So what type of things do you use to help you with your IBNUs? I’m still learning this stuff, so I welcome your advice in the comments.
So Where Do I Go from Here?

May 15th, 2023
Over the years, I’ve learned different ways to cope with ADHD, even though I never new I had it. The key that I found was in processes and routines. For example, I found out about twenty years ago that I don’t do well if I don’t get at least seven hours of sleep. So over the years I developed a routine for getting to bed at a decent hour.

Here’s my routine:
1. I use my watch to track my sleep at night, so at eight o’clock, I charge my watch.
2. When it’s fully charged, I know it’s time to get ready for bed.
3. I put on my watch, charge my phone, and put my glasses on the kitchen counter? Why do I put my glasses on the kitchen counter? Because over the years I learned that if I left them in the bedroom or bathroom I’d forget them, and then I’d wake up my wife going back into the bedroom.
4. Next I get my mouthguard ready as well as my CPAP.
5. I brush my teeth, take my vitamins (which are in a pill box I fill every Tuesday morning), use my dental rinse and climb in bed.
6. I read until around ten, or after dropping my Kindle twice because I’m too tired to stay awake.
7. I put on my CPAP and go to sleep.
Every night, it’s the same thing. Last weekend we were in Boston to watch the Cardinals beat the Red Sox. That was still my routine. Without it, I can’t get to sleep, it’s so ingrained in me. And if I leave out a step, it simply won’t get done. I have a similar routine when I wake up around six.

So my life is this type of pattern. Find a routine that includes all the things that I need to do, and follow it to the letter. Otherwise things will be left out. Need to do something new? Figure out where it can fit into one of the routines or create a new one and learn it by rote. The routines change over time as needs come and go, but there’s always the routine.

Now I’m learning different ways to do ADHD through coaching. It’s been an interesting change for me, and I’ve started to add new routines into my life that make some things easier. When I finally do get “diagnosed,” I’ll prayerfully be able to have medications that will possibly help ease some of the stress and anxiety I feel trying to manage all of the routines. Until then, I keep to the same old, same old. Until next time…
Getting “Diagnosed,” Part II

May 9th, 2023

Last time I talked about how my PCP set me up on generic Strattera for managing my ADHD. The first dosage amount really had no affect, except as stated in releaving some anxiety in stressful situations. He then doubled the dosage, but it also didn’t really help as far as focus goes.

Then my PCP moved to a different part of the country, setting me up with a new PCP in the same office. And here’s where the quoted “Diagnosed” comes in. The long and short of it is that the new PCP doesn’t think that I have ADHD. His reasoning is that if Strattera doesn’t help me focus, moving to a different stimulant wouldn’t help. The fact that he didn’t know that Strattera isn’t a stimulant was the first issue. Then he went on to say that since I have a bachelor’s degree, even more, a Master’s degree shows that I don’t have ADHD, since I wouldn’t be able to focus long enough to get it.

A few problems with his reasoning (other than the aforementioned lack of knowledge on stimulants) is that yes, I do have a degree. And were it not for the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed some of my classes, and therefore was really engaged and got A’s in those classes, then I wouldn’t have been able to attain a degree. The classes that didn’t peak my interest were a battle to 1) go to class on a regular basis, 2) complete any homework that was required, and 3) to study for tests. This resulted in me getting C’s and D’s in those subjects, lowering my overall GPA. I did get the degrees, but barely, and it took six and a half years to get the bachelor’s degree with some classes taken multiple times.

He also stated that the therapist that specialized in helping ADHD was not qualified to diagnose and therefore I shouldn’t really be taking anything at all. What he proposed was that I 1) get tested for ADHD, and 2) see a psychologist to get diagnosed as well.

So we set up appointments. It would be three months before I saw the psychiatrist and another seven months to get diagnosed. I met with the psychiatrist, which was no help. He didn’t seem to think I had it, even though he really didn’t ask any questions other than the usual, “Do you have suicidal thoughts (no). Do you find yourself depressed and unable to get out of bed (Again, no). Have you ever been on any psychotic drugs (nope). What makes you think that you have ADHD (a long response, that didn’t elicit any follow up questions).” So he wouldn’t change my meds until I’m properly “diagnosed.”

So now I wait until the end of November to get diagnosed. I’m in a coaching class for ADHD that has helped me in a lot of areas. The main one being, I’m not alone. There are many people out there that have the same struggles that I do. That alone is a great help.

So where do I go from here? More on that next time. In the mean time, what struggles with PCPs do you have? Have you had the same experience? Til next time.
Getting “Diagnosed”

May 5th, 2023

So what do you do when you think you have ADHD? For me, I simply brought it up with my doctor during one of my appointments. “I think I have ADHD,” I said. “What makes you think you have ADHD,” replied the doctor. So I went on to tell him all of the signs that pointed to me having ADHD. He said that it sounded like it, but we have to check it out. He set me up with appointments for a therapist that specializes in ADHD to help me with coping mechanisms, a Psychologist to help in the diagnosis, and with an ADHD testing facility to get formerly diagnosed.

The problems started with scheduling. I was able to get a therapist rather quickly, but I was looking at four months before I could get an appointment with a psychologist, and six months to get tested for ADHD. So the waiting period began. In the mean time, I met with the therapist several times (she was awesome, by the way). She stated that I indeed had ADHD and was impressed with the ways that I had set up processes to help with my struggles with it (more on that in the future). She sent an email to my PCP letting him know of her “diagnosis”.

When I went back to my PCP, he accepted my “diagnosis” and prescribed the generic for Strattera, a non-stimulant drug that is supposed to help with ADHD. I wasn’t noticing a significant difference in my focus on Strattera. When I mentioned this at a later appointment, he doubled my dosage. This also had no perceivable affect on my focus. It did, however, help me to remain calmer in stressful situations, so I continue to remain on it for that currently. I cancelled the other two appointments since I had my “diagnosis,” something that I would later regret doing.

You may be asking yourself, why does he keep putting “diagnosis” in quotes? Well, you’re going to have to wait for the next post to get the answer to that. In the mean time, how were you diagnosed? Did you have any issues?
What’s Wrong with Me?

May 1st, 2023

One of the things that I’m always told in job evaluations is that I have difficulty with details. I do a great job of building teams, working with the team to come up with solutions to issues, even closing out the projects, but the little details are a different story.

So for years I’ve been trying to improve my productivity. I’d (start to) read books on productivity, listen to podcasts, attend webinars. I have tried I don’t know how many tools from digital to-do apps, to the Bullet Journal, to writing out to-do lists, and much more. And they might be effective for a time, but over time I would lose interest.

Then one day I was listening to one of the podcasts and the guest was talking about all the problems he had with projects. Inability to close out projects. Forgetting to send that email you promised you would send. Not following up on something because it had slipped from your radar. I found myself saying, “Yeah, I can totally relate with you.”

Then he went on to talk about how he was diagnosed as having ADHD and how that diagnosis totally changed the situation. There wasn’t anything wrong with him, he just thought differently. And because of this new discovery, he had to come up with ways of tracking things that were different then the vast majority of nuero-typical people.

I’ve been told over the years that I had ADHD. And I guess I acknowledged it, but I really didn’t accept it, much less done anything about it. So I started looking into it. I watched a YouTube playlist on Howto ADHD that explained what it is. And my eyes were opened.

Next time, I’ll tell you what happened next. If you find this interesting, let me know in the comments. What’s your story about finding out you or someone you love had ADHD?
By way of introduction

April 29th, 2023

So how do you get your thoughts out of your head and into the ether. Well, for me it’s a matter of getting started. But if you have ADHD, that’s not always as easy as it sounds. Even if it’s something you want to do, sometimes your brain just won’t let you.

Let me introduce myself. My name is Andy. I’m 60 years old and about fifteen months ago I was diagnosed with ADHD. Kinda. It’s a long story that some day I may get to. Maybe. You see, that’s the kind of thing that I’ve always struggled with. My dad used to say that I have trouble following through with ideas. But it was more that I … well, forgot I was doing it. Something else caught my attention and there I went, another thing that I started. And probably didn’t finish.

Like this post. I started off introducing myself and sorta went somewhere completely different. So to keep this first post short, I’ll just stop there for the time being. That’s what I hope this site to be, a place where I can put down some of my thoughts and struggles that I have with my ADHD. I don’t promise that I’ll post often (you know that shiny thing over there might distract me), but I’ll do the best that I can.